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Week 9 Podcast

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Ryan recently found two bags of used dildos in the chimney of his new house, which is a sign of good luck for a Buffalo Bills fan. That’s just some of the philosophy & fun you’ll learn in our week 9 podcast. Wade McElwain & Ryan Cull break down all of the big games ahead on the slate, plus take a look at the week that was in week 8.
NFL punditry at its most mediocre, with passionate predictions as well as a chat on ‘how do you do clean two bags of dirty dildos, and how much they’re worth’?
Listen, laugh, lather, repeat, subscribe.

Some of the games the guys preview in week 9 include:

Ravens (4-2) vs Colts (5-2)
Ravens -3  +44.5

Indianapolis is healthy again, which i s bad news for the AFC. The have a strong D and a robust O line that keeps Rivers in a solid pocket.
Baltimore suffered a big loss to Pittsburgh last week, and even worse, lost defensive stud Ronnie Stanley. Lamar will suffer with bug pressure and few options to throw to. The Ravens will put up a fight, but the Colts are on a healthy high.
Indy will run Taylor down their throat, while Rivers will have time to finally connect to TY Hilton for big gains.
Ryan is big on the Ravens to avenge their loss to the Steelers, while Wade smells a Colts upset.
Ryan- Ravens 27 Colts 20
Wade- Colts 26 Ravens 23

Broncos (3-4) vs Vikings (2-5)
Vikings -4 +53.5

Minnesota is feeling fine after a nice run down of division rivals Green Bay last week, after Dalvin Cook trampled the Packers for 4 TDs. They lost more of their secondary to injuries, making them even more vulnerable to deep plays.
Denver continues to plow on, despite not having much to work with. Drew Lock is not the answer, continuing to make mistakes despite sudden heroics. Their defence is what keeps them alive bolstered by some special special teams.
Ryan is big on a Vikings ‘W, but Wade thinks the Broncos can flip this one in their favour to cover a tight loss.
Ryan- Vikings 28 Broncos 23
Wade- Vikings 30 Broncos 28

Seahawks (6-1) vs Bills (6-2)
Seahawks -3  +54

Seattle wins again, but gives up big points in the effort. DK Metcalf is transiting from man to machine, ripping the opposition for big value plays. Even if he’s double covered, Tyler Lockett then has a big game. Their running game is handicapped, but they always seem to find  guy to do the job.
Buffalo has a recent win over the Patriots under their belt, but it wasn’t that convincing. Wish Allen struggled to find his rhythm again, and the defence isn’t as rigid as it once was.
Ryan thinks his Bills will lose to a superior Russell Wilson, and Wade agrees. Buffalo will spice up the wings, but Seattle has too much hot sauce.
Ryan- Seahawks 30 Bills 24
Wade- Seahawks 30 Bills 26

Steelers (7-0 vs Cowboys (2-6)
Steelers -13.5  +41.5

Pittsburgh is riding high after a great win over their division rival Ravens last Sunday, after an impressive performance by their defence. Big Ben was ok, but not good enough if the Steelers are going to go all the way. Every team is gunning for them now, even if they don’t win, they’ll be looking to inflict some damage on their reputation.
Dallas is just a mess. Jerry Jones is decrepitly steering America’s yacht into uncharted waters. A great team, with no one to lead it. Injuries galore, and a massively expensive roster. Time to sell off some assets?
Ryan is big on Pittsburgh beating up the lowly Cowpokes, and their new QB. Wade totally agrees on the podcast, and sees it happening. He’s also now changing his opinion and thinks that perhaps the Cowboys will cover this one as they can throw everything at it even if their down & move the chains. Game time decision, watch this space.
Ryan- Steelers 28 Cowboys 9
Wade- Steelers 31 Cowboys 26 * 

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Have a great NFL week and make sure you listen to the podcast for all the NFL in London fun.

Ryan’s Dildo Bag

Sky Week 9

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Sky Sports has released its lineup of Week 9 games, so you can decide whether you’re watching it there, blacked out, or on Gamepass. We’re back on a 5 hour difference with the North American East Coast, which is a bit of a bummer once you taste a 4 hour difference.

TNF

Thursday Football is like an old high school girlfriend. She’s nice to think about, but once you commit to spending a whole night together, you wish you were sitting with your sweet gal Sunday.
Hardly anyone watches TNF even in America, instead opting for a CSI Utah marathon.
It’s a Friday at 1:20 am game, so why not watch it? It’s lockdown baby! Are you getting up in early to chug coffee before a Zoom meeting.
The Packers are smarting off a huge loss to Minnesota & the 49ers are dealign with a huge loss to their team, who all seemed to jump on the injury bandwagon.
Packers should pound San Fran in this one.

Sunday

Seahawks vs Bills 6pm

Finally, we don’t have to watch the Steelers again this week. Sky rode Pittsburgh for 3 weeks straight, pissing off loads of Keystone state fans who can’t afford Sky. The Bills escaped a lucky one last week against the Patriots, this one won’t be as forgiving though.

Dolphins vs Cardinals 9:25pm

Miami vs Arizona? Unless you’re talking about a Senior Citizen Battle Royale, you wouldn’t expect this to be much of a contest. Luckily, both these teams have some quick armed, fast moving QBs who know how to win. The Dolphins also have Tua, who does none of that.
This game might be interesting for a bit, but you can always catch highlights on Redzone.

Saints vs Bucs 1:20am 

Unless you were born in a cave, you might have noticed the weekly tally of Brees vs Brady with the most passing TDs. Please just STFU pundits, it’s annoying. We don’t need to see a ‘Breaking News’ banner across the screen every damn play. Let them finish the season, and then we can talk.
‘With a combined age of 83…’ is the kind of crap we’re going to hear all night.
Has no one heard of ‘ageism’? You just going to shame them every week based on how old they are?
Pretty sure if both guys were of colour, gay, coloured & gay, they would be less likely to hammer home the point each week.

MNF

Patriots vs Jets

Technically TMF (Tuesday Morning Football) as the hapless Pats take on the hopeless Jets. Who’s the real loser in this one? You, if you stay up to watch it. The Jets are not only tanking for Trevor, they’re taking one for the league, allowing themselves to be the butt, dick and stinky finger of every joke. Cam Newton should spend less time hat shopping, and more time reading defences.
A great game to watch the next morning over your first coffee dump.

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DraftKings Week 8

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Given the way 2020 has been playing out, Fantasy seems to be working a lot better than reality. This year has felt like you’re a Jets fan who has been stuck in a lift with a Cowboys fan & a Patriots fan, while you wait for a Bucs fan to call for help. That sucky.

Thankfully, we have been playing a lot of DraftKings this season, and you can play along with us in our NFL in London League. It’s free to join, and we have FREE and PAID contests to jump into.
Here are some of my top picks for Week 8 on Halloween Weekend.

QBs

Aaron Rodgers $7600

A-Aron is playing like a man possessed, which is fitting heading into a Halloween weekend. Rodgers was on a tear last week, tapping Devante Adams like a slot machine last week. Heading into week 8 against a sad Vikings defence, it’s hard not to imagine him ripping poor Minnesota apart. Sure, he’s pricy, but you deserve it…it’s the end of the month.

Justin Herbert $6900

Anyone who plays me in Fantasy this year knows that I took Herbert in EVERY pool right off the back. He was my backup to Russell Wilson, and this tandem has kept me in first place in all of my leagues.
Any team watching Herbert play now must be thinking ‘damn!’. He is lighting it up with a weakened O-line and not too many faulty receivers to toss to. Imagine if he was on a great team? He will continue to impress this week.

RBs

Le’Veon Bell $4600

Ding a ling bitches, Le’veon is back! And he might suck. Bell is facing his former Jets team, so he might be motivated to jam it down their throats. Of course, he has to get fed the ball first. He might get barely any touches, and he might be stuffed like a crust every time he tries to cross the line, but at $4600 he will more likely be used in short yardage than CEH.

JaMycal Hasty $5000

Who wants to be a 49ers running back? It seems there is a new guy every week, and Hasty is November’s flavour of the month. Wilson Jr (?) looked great last week until he was injured, so that means another guy enters the rotation. The 49ers have as many RBs as the Bears had TE’s, and they all seem to be pretty good. Hasty is a fun name to say, and brings value against a Seahawks team that struggles against the run.

Derrick Henry $8000

The beast of the east is loose, and the Bengals should be very afraid. Henry was limited against the Steelers last week, but the Bengals have none of the tools to stop him. Henry is the priciest player of the week, which brings with it financial draw backs. Henry is primed for at least 2 TDs and potentially 200+ yards rushing, so you should be in safe hands.

WRs

Devante Adams $8800

Adams cooked up over 40 fantasy points last week, and has hot hands heading into week 8. Adams and Rodgers were in synch last week, in some sort of beautiful ballet of football. He catches more sticky balls than Paris Hilton in the 2000s, and the Vikings will have no answer for him in week 8.

Keenan Allen $6200 

Now that he is fully back, Allen is the #1 go to guy for Herbert. He has the hands and wheels to cause problems in the Broncos backfield. Herbert will struggle against that fast front of Denver, but that should allow him to feed Keenan for short route, big run gains.

Nelson Agholor $4700

Old man Agholor? Yes, the Philly flop has been trying to find his groove in Vegas, and had some pretty good deep ball receptions last week. Carr & the Raiders are struggling on offence, and the Browns are known to give up big yard plays. Nelson should factor in some big plays, which should get you some value points.

TE

Jonnu Smith $4100

The big man should be able to gash the Bengals for redzone TDs. Smith has solid hands, and is a key factor in opening up the field of play. He’s usually good for 1TD, but given the woeful state of the Bengals D, he could see more.

Hunter Henry $4200

Henry has been a solid performer for Herbert, and has been solid in short yardage and Redzone opportunities. With a limited amount of tools to choose from, Henry is a reliable TE for this game.

NFL in London League

If you don’t play DraftKings already, then you might want to join ours. It’s free and fun. We have loads of contests to choose from. Just join here!
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Have a great week 8!

 

Wade’s Week 7

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We’re a third of the way through the 2020 NFL season, and what a wacked out season it has been thus far.
Crazy trades, huge losing streaks, injuries, and of course a global virus intent on ruining our Sundays.
With that looming spectre of doom hanging over our every week, let’s take a look at some of the top picks for this week in the NFL.
Fortunately, there are some good value upsets this week which can help you make out on the sports books.
Here are Wade’s Week 7 picks to help you get value out of your NFL bets this week.

Cowboys (2-4) vs Washington (1-5)
Cowboys -2  +47

Poor Dallas, they’ve watched their whole season fall apart like assess chaps made out of felt. Dak is gone, and their O-line is about as effective as a bouncer at a bingo hall. Washington is rallying for cancer, as Coach Ron puts on a happy face for the troops every Sunday. Both teams are depleted, but it seems that the Washington team might have something to play for. Getting a second win can also put them near the top of the division, which is sad in itself.
Washington 24 Cowboys 20

Lions (2-3) vs Falcons (1-5)
Falcons -2.5  +56.6

It’s cute that people still have faith in Atlanta, despite them letting down more faithful than a doomsday cult. Weakened and lacking hope, the Falcons trudge out on the field every Sunday waiting for the moment that their lead weakens and then they collapse. These games are only fun to watch with Falcons fans, as who doesn’t like tears on a Sunday?
Matt Stafford tosses up a lot of junk, and scores plenty of points, and all signs point to that in this game.
The Lions now have a bit of a running game to compliment Golladay, which will give Stafford options.
Lions 31 Falcons 28

Browns (4-2) vs Bengals (1-4-1)
Browns -3.5  +51

Baker Mayfield seems to be injured leading up to this contest, which will add to the mental burden he seems to be carrying this season. Baker doesn’t seem to be all there, playing inconsistently in the past few weeks while he deals with his own demons. The Bengals and Burrow have finished a slew of tough opponents, so now it’s time to use that toughness on some opponents you can gain some ground on.
I like the Bengals here to take it to the Browns at home. Mixon should be healthy and Joe will be hitting his new fave target Tee Higgins who is a worthwhile target in DFS.
Bengals 28 Browns 26

Steelers (5-0) vs Titans (5-0)
Titans -1  +52

It’s the battle of the undefeated, in the most anticipated match of Sunday. Both of these AFC teams have boasted impressive victories leading up to this contest, with each demonstrating some tough obstacles to overcome if they want to win. The Steelers D has been fast and furious each week, reducing some of the best offences to shreds. The Titans have Derrick Henry, a running back the size of a linebacker who has the wheels to demolish every Sunday.
I have to give the edge to the Steelers here, who have immense potential on offence, with a raft of good receivers to choose from.
The Titans D will struggle to contain Ben and the Pittsburgh attack, but it will be the Steel Curtain on D that sees the biggest gains.
Steelers 30 Titans 28

Chiefs (5-1) vs Broncos (2-3)
Chiefs -7.5  +48

The Chiefs are 5-1, but some of those wins have come from a little too much ‘too close for comfort’ games.
After an emotional win last week, the Chiefs will be looking to solidify the team across the board and deal with some of the nagging injuries affecting the squad.
The Broncos are thriving after a big win against the Patriots last week, in which their front D wrecked havoc on Cam Newton. With key injuries to the Chiefs O line, this is going to cause problems for Mahomes and the boys.
Denver also benefits from having some healthy returns to the squad in Bouye and Jones, who will make life rougher for the Chiefs.
Add to this snow in the forecast, and the crowd being made up of all South Park cut outs, and all signs point to the home team. Broncos to cover this one.
Chiefs 28 Broncos 21

I got all of my upsets tips correct last week, which would have paid you out 6.5/1. Take all of these picks with a £10 bet, and you will a cool £338.09 as a profit.

DraftKings

We also have our own DraftKings League called ‘NFL in London’ where we play FREE and PAID contests. It’s free to join, just click on the link here and join in the fun.
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Have a great Sunday of football, and don’t forget the games start early today!

 

 

The Picks Six

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Okay… well… let’s call that an inauspicious start. In the debut week of this column, my week 6 picks were… largely disappointing. My overall week predictions (9-5) salvaged my tips which did not have a particularly impressive showing. Largely, the blame for this falls squarely at the feet of two teams: The New England Patriots, who inexplicably made the beaten up Denver Broncos look like the ‘85 Bears, and the Cleveland Browns who… ugh… Browns-d it right up against the Steelers. Should I have seen that coming? Probably. Anyway, new week, new me! Let’s go again. Redemption starts here. Same concept: Six sections, including sure things, longshot punts and a prediction for every game. 

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The 1st and Goal from the 1. (Season Record: 1-1)

So somehow went 1-1 last week on this. Shoutout the Dolphins for doing what they were supposed to, even when Cam was too incompetent to do his job… 

Okay. Simple things. That’s what we’re looking for here. So… Who is the worst team in the NFL? Gang Green: The 0-6 New York Jets. And who are said Jets playing this week? Oh, the Bills of Buffalo? With one Joshua Allen at Quarterback? He who has a rocket arm and legs that carry his big sturdy frame forward at alarming speed and momentum? I like him. He wasn’t good against the Chiefs – but we’ll blame the conditions a bit – so I expect Josh to bounce back big here. The Jets are firmly planted in the Trevor Lawrence sweepstakes. The Bills win this game. ZERO doubt.

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The 45yd Field Goal (Season Record: 0-1)

This line should be posted all over the Cowboys’ locker room walls. The UTTER disrespect… Dallas are ONE POINT favourites against the 1-4, very average, lacking in any real talent beyond Terry McLaurin and Chase Young Washington Football Team. Yeah, I get it: The Cowboys were awful on Monday. Dalton didn’t sling it like we were expecting (see, my over losing), Zeke’s hands have been replaced with sticks of butter, and their defense couldn’t stop a team of referees from picking up a first down. BUT this is still the Dallas Cowboys offense. Zeke will not keep putting the ball on the ground. The Cowboys should run (and throw) all over this team. Dallas Cowboys -1.0. Yes please.

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The Hail Mary (Season Record: 0-1)

So we need a long shot, or at least big odds for this one. There aren’t many underdogs I like on the board this week, so I’m sticking to heavily backing a favourite I love. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this yet, but the Jets are AWFUL. Even with Sam Darnold back, they’re not good enough to put a fight up against the Bills. The Bills defense held up quite respectably against the Chiefs passing attack, and Frank Gore is not going to run through the Bills like Clyde Edwards-Helaire did. Josh Allen will sling it, the Bills will score points. I like the Bills to win every quarter at 7/1. 

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The Over (Season Record: 0-1)

Oooooooh there could be some points scored this weekend… lots of tasty matchups which I can see disintegrating into shootouts and garbage time touchdowns. So I’m gonna rattle off a few here:

Browns vs Bengals – Over 50.5

Well, Baker HAS to bounce back. The Browns really need this game, but a scrappy Cincinnati team (who pushed the Colts close last week) can put up some resistance. The Browns have been quietly very good on offense aside from in their two lopsided losses. I don’t think they lose this game; I think they score 30+ on a below-par Bengals defense. Joe Burrow is good enough and determined enough to keep himself in the game – despite the absence of Joe Mixon. Points. 

Lions vs Falcons – Over 55.0

Yep, the line is high, but Stafford and Ryan could very legitimately shred each other’s DBs all afternoon long. D’Andre Swift has started to break out a little bit, and Gurley and Hurst are providing a nice compliment to Atlanta’s stacked WR room. It’s high, but I think it’ll get there. 

Seahawks vs Cardinals – Over 56.0

Another high line, but the newly-flexed Sunday Night Football matchup is one of the most electric of the weekend. Russ gets back in the kitchen, ready to cook after his bye week. Kyler is fast becoming the one rival to Lamar’s title of biggest dual threat Quarterback. Hopkins, Kirk and Fitz vs Lockett, Moore and Metcalf. Carson vs Drake. Carroll vs Kingsbury. Nobody on the field will want to defend. 28 points each has been almost a guarantee for these two teams so far. Let’s keep that run going. 

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The Parlay (Winning Parlays: 0/1, Winning Legs: 3/5) 

Browns -3.0

I know. I know. I know. We took Cleveland last week, and they burned us. I know. BUT this is a new week, and much less formidable defense for Baker to throw against. The Browns torched the Bengals earlier this season and I think a Cleveland win by a TD or more is likely. 

Panthers +7.0

Now, I do think the Saints win this game, but Teddy Bridge is good enough to keep it close. 7 points feels like a lot for a Saints team who – whilst coming off a bye – are missing their top two WRs to injury and the COVID-list. I expect a heavy dose of Alvin Kamara and Mike Davis respectively. Tight game, Saints win, Panthers cover the 7 points. 

Cowboys -1.0

See above… this line feels fraudulent. The Cowboys comeback story arc starts here. 

Bills -10.0

Yuuuuuuup, it’s a lot of points. How many did the Jets lose by last week? 24!? 24 to 0!? Against the Dolphins!? Okay, ha, yeah, definitely Bills -10.0.

Patriots -2.0

Bill is angry. Cam is angry. Stephon is angry. The whole of Boston is angry. The Patriots conspired to lose a game where their opposition didn’t score a Touchdown… HUUUUUH!? Yup. Somehow, that’s what happened. But this is the perfect bounce back game. Bill gets to shut down the guy he traded away. I don’t believe Jimmy G is good enough to beat the team who had earmarked him as the heir to TB12. They traded him for a reason. Shanahan will have some plans cooked up, but I think the Niners are still too injury ravaged to hand the Patriots another loss. 

£10 on this parlay pays about £235 depending on your bookmaker.

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The Full English (Season Record: 9-5)

Bills vs Jets – Bills

Panthers vs Saints – Saints

Browns vs Bengals – Browns

Washington vs Cowboys – Cowboys

Lions vs Falcons – Falcons

Packers vs Texans – Packers

Steelers vs Titans – Steelers (But this is such a toss up, won’t be at all surprised if Tennessee win)

Buccaneers vs Raiders – Buccaneers (piss off please Covid… I want to watch this game)

Jaguars vs Chargers – Chargers

Chiefs vs Broncos – Chiefs

49ers vs Patriots – Patriots

Seahawks vs Cardinals – Seahawks

Bears vs Rams – Rams 

Enjoy your week 7! As ever, I’m @callumjdsquires on Twitter & Instagram. Let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to see me discuss or suggest picks for… Come chat and tell me why I’m wrong and your team is going to win this week. Jets fans need not contact me. Cheers.

All lines accurate as of 11pm Friday.

-Callum Squires is a British writer and former college athlete in America