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Back to the Kitchen

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Another week in the NFL offseason brings with it a myriad of shame, as we break down some of the lowest lows in this weeks’ podcast, Back to the Kitchen.

Wade McElwain and Ryan Cull go through all of the NFL malarky, to offer you some nuggets of wisdom, despite their limited intelligence.

It doesn’t stop Adam Shefter.

Here’s the podcast for this week!

Among some of the other things that the guys discuss in this podcast, includes:

Brady Balls

So the rumours keep chunking out that TB12 was due to not only QB the Dolphins, but also be a part owner, until bad boy Bill Belichick pissed all over the parade by tipping off Brian Flores.
If it’s all true, it’s a very Putin-esque way of making sure that Miami doesn’t expand in their division, after all, they’re full of nazis.
Brady might be back in 2023 to try this whole thing again!

Unfollow Deebo

After being used and abused as the ‘go-to’ man for the 49ers last years, speedster Deebo Samuel wants to get paid.
After watching Davante Adams get paid, then Tyreek, then everyone else, Deebo wants to be the next money man, and San Fran better pony up.
Of course, the 49ers like many teams don’t have the cashola to keep up with player egos, so Deebo’s block could remain in place until the team can find ways to ‘restructure.’

Carr’s Crackers

Derek Carr can finally breathe that big breath of freedom, as the Raiders made good on a promise to keep him in Sin City for the foreseeable future.
After signing for $121.5m until 2025, Carr solidifies himself as the longest termed QB of the future, and allowing him to play with all his speedy new toys.
Derek Carr is what Baker Mayfield wishes what he saw in the mirror.

Baker’s Baked

Baker Mayfield has now entered the ‘Whiny’ phase of his career, preferring to bitch and moan instead of doing anything about it.
BM was recently captured saying that he wishes he could ‘boo fans where they work’, to see how they liked it.
The does nothing to help Baker get a starting job this year, although it does give him the proper attitude to become a pundit.

AB BA ABBA!

Poor AB..actually, screw him! And Floyd Mayweather.
Floyd has offered to cover the losses of any team that takes a chance on AB (and offering him $20M) for the 2023 season.
If dude can’t keep it together playing with Tom Brady, do you think he’ll show any sense of class playing with the likes of Kirk Cousins or Carson Wentz?
Save the drama for your many baby mama’s!

Cam Cam Cam

Cam Newton made himself less relevant this week when he unleashed a slew of misogny for no reason whatsoever.
Cam was heard to be dismissive of women, and suggested that they ‘go back to the kitchen’, in a refreshing take for a man under 40.
If those fancy hats were stopping you from getting a job before Mr. Newton, your gendered social media performance will certainly help you out with that.

USFL

It’s back! If you have been missing the feels of football, you’re in luck this weekend, as the USFL returns to our televisions.
If you weren’t aware, the USFL existed in the 1980s’, but fell into ruin thanks to the efforts of a certain Donald Trump (plus way more reasons!).
Here’s something to jog your memory.

Anywho, the USFL is back this weekend, and will offer NFL fans a chance to catch on more football! Hooray!

The first game will see New Jersey face Birmingham at 12:30am GMT Sunday.

Sunday will see some more UK friendly viewing times, as Houston takes on Michigan at 5pm, Philly vs New Orleans at 9pm, and Tamps vs Pittsburgh on 1am Monday morning.

According the USFL website, the games will be available in the UK via ESPN International…so you probably won’t be able to watch them.

Dwayne Haskins

The NFL world was shocked this week to lose NFL player Dwayne Haskins in a roadside accident.

He was a young, black man who had enormous pressure thrust upon him as a starting QB, and his struggles were something we all could see on a weekly basis.

Hugs and love to his family and friends who have to deal with such a senseless tragedy.

Enjoy your Easter weekend!

 

Shower of Memes

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April showers bring May flowers as the old expression goes, but it seems that the shower of NFL activity is what is really blooming this offseason.

What the heck is going on in the league?
Is Baker gone?
What about AB?
Is my fantasy team ready to play?

All of these silly questions and more can be answered in our April Shower of Memes.

Memery

Memes are just bloody awesome.

Not only do they surmise the whole situation with a picture and a few words, any loser int heir basement can make them!

Brilliant!

We’ve selected a group of some of the latest ‘feels’ going around the league like Covid-herpes, which will be only a matter of time before those bad boys team up!

Enjoy the memes!

 

Dwayne Haskins

Terrible news about Dwayne Haskins, and a big thanks to Adam Schefter for piling on the pain.

The mental health struggles of these young men should serve as a sign to the league that it needs to do more to address these issues.

Thoughts and hugs to his family, friends and loved ones.

 

Slappy Happy

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You would think that the fight training on ‘Ali’ would have given Will Smith the ability to throw a punch, just proving not everyone is a natural athlete.

Mile High Stadium partially burnt down after Russ starting ‘cooking’, Jimmy G is still waiting by the phone, and the Bills are ready for business, as Wade & Ryan break down the last NFL news in their Slappy Happy podcast.

Make sure that you listen to it here, or on all of your fanciest podcast hosts.

Among some of the things that the boys discuss in this episode includes:

Jag Offs

The Jaguars have announced that they will be playing home games at Wembley for the next 3 years.

Despite Tottenham building a fancy pants new stadium, the Jags have a loyalty to Club Wembley for the next few seasons.

Will the Jags be any good by then? How do spend so much money every year to continually disappoint?

The guys discuss the Jags, Wembley and how the stadium use to be a parking lot around it…literally.
Good times.

Pundit Punts

Nantz and Romo run CBS.while Joe Buck and Troy hold down ESPN, but wait a minute…here comes Amazon.

Pretty crazy that we’re at the point in the NFL when ex-players turned commentators are making money that some players can only dream about.

In the UK, we don’t get as much of the banter due to streaming rights, but it seems like a heck of a lot of money!

Spoiler Alert! Wade and Ryan make NOWHERE near to that amount, nor will they in their entire lives.

I’m Cam!

Cam Newton would like to remind everyone that a) he is available to play and b) he is still alive.

What a dramatic drop from the former legend, as his legacy continues to dip everytime that he takes the field.

Colin K should be paying attention to the struggles of poor Cam.

Newton continues to train, but his age and poor decision making continue to increase with age.

Minority Report

The NFL is finally doing something to address the gaps in the Rooney Rule, by enacting some new rules to encourage the hiring of minority coaching staff.

All NFL teams will now be required to have at least one offensive coach of colour on their payroll. (Sorry Jon Gruden, you’re still considered too offensive.)

Historically, NFL teams lack offensive coaches of colour, so this should help as a first step to addressing the inequalities in the league.

It sadly doesn’t help the current plight of Brian Flores against the Miami Dolphins, which as taken another turn this week with talk that two other coaches could join in the lawsuit.

It should never have to come to coaches having to sue teams for discrimination, but if that’s the only way to fix it, then Flores On!

Bills Mafia

Ryan is totally stoked on the future of the Buffalo Bills, as they make some sweet offseason moves to get themselves into the final show in 2022.

First the Bills signed veteran D-Man Von Miller, who is fresh off a Super Bowl win with the LA Rams.

They signed a slew of other top players from OJ Howard to Duke Johnson, signalling a focus of shoring up the gaps that made them beatable in 2021.

Add to this a new stadium deal for the Bills, and the future is starting to look bright!

Unless of course they choke again and debt leverage themselves so far into the future, they can only communicate with the Green Bay Packers.

London Games

So we have 3 London games coming up this year!

What’s the plan?

We are working with some new partners to help promote and expand on our fun for the London NFL games.

Watch this space, as we will have some big news rolling though in the upcoming weeks!

Stay safe, and screw you COVID!

 

 

March Madness

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The NCAA basketball tourney might be getting all the heat during this spring spree, but the real March Madness is what’s coming out of the NFL offseason.

What the holy heck is going on in the league? Because it feels soooo good!

Elementary Watson

Deshaun Watson has finally found at home in Ohio, but not everyone is thrilled.

Despite not facing any criminal charges, the thigh rubbing ways of Watson is rubbing some fans the wrong way.

Deshaun gets paid big time, and the Browns finally have the baller that they need to compete in an ever dangerous AFC.

It shouldn’t surprise NFL fans that the stink bomb of Watson would follow him wherever he went.
Obviously a team in Las Vegas is going to care less about the issue than the Browns, because that would be the expected behaviour from a Raider.

Hopefully we can all get back to bitching about the Texans and Jets on their own merits.

Rodger Dodger

Maybe the real Last Dance was last year, as Aaron Rodgers slate of dance partners are sashaying off to find other boogie mates.

Davante Adams took less money to go to Vegas and play with Derek Carr, which shows that maybe the tight clique that they have had wasn’t as strong as we all believed.

With VD Scantling also off to greener pastures, Green Bay would have many receiving options they can afford (maybe Cole Beasley?)

Has Rodgers stance from last season come back to bit him in the ass? Or is he an ass for demanding so much money?

At least they’re coming to London.

Chief Concerns

Ruh Roh Patrick! Is everyone leaving you?

Kansas City Chiefs have had some concerns this week, as the Cheetah sprinted off to a nicer jungle, taking a massive pay raise with the Miami Dolphins.

Perhaps it was the signing of Tik Tok Tyrant Juju that put Tyreek over the edge, but whatever it was, the Chiefs had lost a massive talent.

Sure, Tyreek saw a drop in performance last year, but the whole Chiefs team did.

The real question is how are the Dolphins going to hit him with the deep ball?

Florida Tom

Tom Brady is back in Florida, and the Bucs are ready for another season.

But hold on! Rumours are circling the bowl that TB12 is going to play in Florida…but for the Dolphins!

Rumours earlier this season that Tom was moving to Miami, only to stop that train once Brian Flores threw down his ‘Fuck you Miami’ speech.

With Flores off to Pittsburgh, the whispers continue that Tommy might still make a trade to the Fins, and give the Bucs plenty if trade picks.

While it sounds sweet, it would be hard to see recent Tampa signings like Godwin and Gage happy that Tommy squirted off to another sunset.

No Charges

There’s only one NFL team that has had ZERO arrests over the past five years, and that team is the LA Chargers.

The Chargers have also had ZERO fans over this same period, so the figures aren’t totally surprising.

Las Vegas blew the wad on arrests last year, making the Raiders head office and locker rooms a great source of inmate potential.

Lucky for Los Angeles, they have made a bunch of signings in the off season, so those arrest records could be climbing up any week now.

Bucking Colts

The Falcons showed their cards when they said they would go all in for Deshaun Watson, not something their veteran QB Matt Ryan wanted to hear.

No surprise then that Matty Ice got stone cold on ATL, and asked to fly, fly, fly.

The stars aligned pretty good for Matty with the Indianapolis Colts, who have had a sucky QB for the past few years.

While past ball-slingers who rolled into Indy might have been on their last legs, Ryan could be the QB that gets the Colts further than turding it out during their first playoff game.

Might be worth throwing £10 on the Colts winning the AFC as a cheeky bet!

London Games

Packers and Saints are hosting home games at Tottenham, and the Jaguars are once again playing in Wembley.

But who do they play and when?

We will have all of our predictions for you next week!

 

Spree Agency

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Just when you thought that the NFL off season couldn’t get any more wild, we get the week that was.

Brady is back, Wentz is whimping in Washington, and Baker Mayfield is whining again.

Let’s take a look at some of the top NFL things that happened in Spree Agency this week.

Brady is Back

Hold my beer Aaron, the real GOAT is back in action.

After watching the Packers commit crazy money to Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady looked at it all and said ‘now they’re broke, I think I’m ready to return.’

Tommy must really hate his family, after all, why would he retire, then spend with his clan, only to return a few weeks late like ‘screw this crap.’

Luckily, the UK played a role in TB12’s return, as it was a trip to Old Trafford with the Glazers that solidified Tom’s return to Tampa.

Nothing like Cristiano Ronaldo looking at you and saying ‘are you really done old man?’ to get those juices flowing again.

Getting Randy

Randy Gregory was a beast on the Cowboys, adding to the ferocity that was a D that kept them in games.

Despite ‘Dem Boyz touting the return of Gregory to the fold, he quickly doused that rumour and signed with the Broncos this week.

Jerry Jones is said to be livid that he isn’t able to hold on to all the toys that he can no longer afford.

At the end of the day it was the tone of the contract, rather than the digits that swayed Gregory to switch over to the Broncos.

That Denver team keeps getting better.

Safety Ravens

The Baltimore Ravens added to their inept D by grabbing a steal from the Saints in safety Marcus Williams.

This shut down man finally gets paid, after being previously franchise tagged in New Orleans.

Williams will be happy to get 5 years of $70 million smackers, but he also gets to be the top dawg in a D that showed signs of promise last season.

Deshaun Lottery

It’s panty dropping time for some of the teams, as they show off their goods in hopes of securing the talents of QB Deshaun Watson.

The Browns, Saints and Falcons are all emerging as top landing spots for Watson, despite the fact that the NFL might still decide that he has penance coming his way.

The 26 year old still has 22 outstanding civil lawsuits pending, which are almost 1 for every year of his young life.

Whoever lands Watson will see their Super Bowl odds jump dramatically.

Landing Gage

No sooner did TB12 announce his return to the league, then the Bucs made a run for a division rival WR.

Speedster Russell Gage will provide a nice compliment to Chris Godwin, as the Bucs add key talent to their roster to make another run at the title this year.

Packers fans must be confused, how can a team get a top QB..AND new players.

What? Do they have money or something?

Packing the Wallet

Speaking of the Packers, there are already money problems coming from the land o’cheese, as Devante Adams is becoming Deviante Adams in his responses to the front office.

Adams is not only not happy with the tag, but also the paltry money being offered for his services this season.

While he did commit to being with his boy Aaron, how much is he expected to suck up to make sure that Rodgers is happy?

Jagging It

The Jacksonville Jaguars have been a running joke for the past decade, but will their off season moves finally mean some wins in the season?

The Jags are all-in behind Trevor Lawrence, and have spent some flashy cash in the past week adding some talent to support him.

Jacksonville splashed almost $200m on 6 free agents, apparently forgetting that you can attempt to negotiate with players for better deals.

Will it add up to wins?  It hasn’t thus far.

London Games

The London matches should be announced very shortly.

We will keep you all in the loop with the NFL in London news, as well as some of our plans for the 2022 London games.