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Thanksgiving Podcast

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Gobble, gobble NFL fans, it’s time for the annual Thanksgiving podcast and we couldn’t be more excited.
Actually we could, but let’s not get into all that yet, as we know that everyone has had a pretty sucky 2020 thus far And if you haven’t, you must be a Steelers fan.
Wade & Ryan break down the terrible games we had in week 11, taking the time to reflect on all the players who screwed them on their bets.
They also preview the 3 games lined up for Thursday, although if you live in the UK the only REALLY good game takes place at 1:20 am Friday morning when the Steelers host the Ravens.
But we’ll get into all that.

Texans (3-7) vs Lions (4-6)
Texans -3  +51.5
5:30pm GMT

Once again the Motor City is hosting a Thanksgiving classic, although the guys think that the honour of hosting these games should switch if the team loses it in a contest. Wouldn’t it be more fun if your team earned a right to host Thanksgiving by winning it the year prior?
Houston is starting to get their groove together, and it only took 7 losses to do it. Their team is somewhat healthier, and the ghost of Bill O’Brien seems to have farted its way out the door.
Deshaun Watson looked better in his beating of the Patriots, but he is still taking way too much time in the pocket before making a decision. He needs to speed up his gameplay and hit targets earlier like big man Fuller if he wants a chance of getting an early lead here.
Detroit as a team is a reflection of the city itself. A paler, sicklier version of itself, beset by financial problems and a dwindling metropolis. They don’t work as hard as they use to, and as franchises go, could be one of the ones that moves first in the next decade.
Matt Stafford has club thumb, and the team is too riddled with ill to even make it through the rest of the season with their heads held high.
They will need their D huge in this game, as Watson looks to rampage across them with the help of Duke Johnson.
Ryan and Wade both like the Texans in a comfortable win here.
Ryan- Texans 27 Lions 12
Wade- Texans 30 Lions 21

Washington (3-7) vs Cowboys (3-7)
Cowboys -3  +46
9:30pm GMT

Dallas is also hosting another turkey bowl, although this year the title seems apt given the state of both of the teams playing in this game.
The Cowboys are bleeding money from the lack of fans, but it might have been a blessing given the injuries that they have suffered this season. Watching Dak get twisted would be enough to make any child fearful for years, not to mention what the Washington has suffered to their legs as well.
The Team has been staying in the hunt for the smelly NFC East title like a rat riding a giant turd down the sewer. Alex Smith brings a wince of anticipation every time he hobbles onto the pitch, as you wonder how long it is before he gets collapsed like a Buffalo tailgate table.
Their D keeps them in games, and if speedy McLaurin can find space, then the Team can stay in this and keep it close like most of their games this season.
Ginger Ninja Dalton is back, and it seems like his team respects him enough to stand up for him the next time someone decided to decapitate him midfield. The Cowboys have the most talented & healthy squad in this division, they just need to get the mojo rolling and this could be the game to kickstart it.
Ryan & Wade both like ‘Dem Boys in this game, although Wade thinks that they might open this game up if they get the lead and force Washington to pass more.
Ryan- Cowboys 24 Washington 20
Wade- Cowboys 28 Washington 20

Ravens (6-4) vs Steelers (10-0)
Steelers -4.5  +45
1:30am GMT Friday

The good thing about lockdown is not having to go to a sportsbar & hear the smarmy gip of a Steelers fan talking about a perfect season. We get it, you’re good, healthy, but you also have a lucky schedule. And Big Ben, who is known to turd it in big situations.
The Steelers host the limping Ravens in this late contest that is on at an enviable time here in the UK. Sadly most of us will have to watch this with our morning coffee, but it still looks to be a great game.
Baltimore is suffering after that beating at the hands of the Titans last week, and now they have to cower into the home of your biggest rival on the biggest stage of America.
Lamar Jackson isn’t the same without an impeccable offensive line. Guys are getting to him and rattling his confidence, leading to poor decision making. Not having a reliable running back also adds to the ills of this team that is looking to reclaim 2019 glory.
The Ravens are lacking on defense as well, with key injuries to some of their top players meaning Big Ben will have plenty of time to find one of his many receivers.
Pittsburgh just needs to hand the ball off to Conner and watch the points come in, with Ben throwing a few easy TDs given to him by his D.
Ryan likes the Ravens to comeback and slug the Steelers with their first loss of the season, Wade likes the idea, but still sees Pittsburgh rolling on to victory here.
Ryan- Ravens 27 Steelers 26
Wade- Steelers 24 Ravens 18

That’s it for this week so far on our Thanksgiving Podcast, we will be back with another podcast this week to preview Week 12 games, as well as review the turkey picks from Thursday.
Thanks for listening, please subscribe, share, laugh, love, and for God’s sake..sanitise.

Week 10 Podcast

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The dang Bills are on Sky again, & Ryan is seething mad about it in this weeks instalment of the podcast. For 5 Sundays this season, Sky sports have shown Buffalo game forcing Ryan to improvise, and once again he is foiled in week 10 as the Bills face the Cardinals.

Wade & Ryan look back at the week that was crap for 9, bitching at their wagers being screwed by crazy games. Phillip is up a River, Stafford got infected, and Cook continued to mess it up in the kitchen. Fantasies turned into nightmares, and the guys look to rebound in week 10.

America has birthed us more late games than early, making Monday morning a bit more of a climb.
Among the games the guys preview include:

Texans (2-6) vs Browns (5-3)
Browns -3  +54

Houston limped away with a win against the Jags, but they still have plenty of issues to address. Their D got torched by Luton, the worst possible jersey you would buy in the UK. Watson needs to spread the ball around if he wants a chance to win.
Cleveland is coming off a bye, which means that they will have some healthy guys back in play. Nick Chubb should be able to take over where he left off, making Hunt a threat in the slot. Chubb & Hunt together again.
Ryan & Wade both like the Browns here, who should be well rested.
Ryan- Browns 27 Texans 24
Wade- Browns 30 Texans 26

Bucs (6-3) vs Panthers (3-6)
Bucs -4.5  +50.5

Tampa Bay & TB12 got smoked by the Saints last week, which is never a good fuel for Tommy to make him mad. He was awful, so the Panthers need to replicate that rush if they want to stop his flow.
Carolina played with heart last week, thanks to C Mc coming back to score 2. Teddy was able to move the ball, but they still have issues with their secondary.
Ryan & Wade both like the Bucs to recover here, even if the Panthers are at home.
Ryan-Bucs 35 Panthers 23
Wade-Bucs 33 Panthers 23

Bills (7-2) vs Cardinals
Cardinals -2  +56

Buffalo beat the hide off the Seahawks last week until Russell Wilson was able to mount a late scoring push to not make it horrible. Can they replicate that gumption against the Cards?
Arizona took a tough beat last week against Miami, so they should be able to find some holes for Kyler to gash the Bills for some yards.
Ryan hates betting on his own team, but his superstition has powered him against the Bills, so he likes the Cardinals to win. Wade think the Bills will keep on stampeding, and upset the home team.
Ryan-Cardinals 30 Bills 27
Wade-Bills 27 Cardinals 26

Bengals (2-5-1) vs Steelers (8-0)
Steelers -8  + 47.5

Cincinnati has been a tough little team who can score. After a much needed bye, the Bengals are healthier and ready to rumble against an old foe.
Pissburgh is undefeated, but they are beatable. Dallas almost upset them last week when the Steelers seemed to  look past them. Big Ben might not be 100%, so he will need to be even puffier this week. Steroids should only be used in moderation.
Ryan sees the Bengals taking the upset here and handing the Steelers their first loss.
Wade agrees the Bengals will play with an inspired passion, but this Pittsburgh team has a tough D to shut down heavy fire.
Ryan- Bengals 28 Steelers 27
Wade- Steelers 27 Bengals 24

Have a listen to the podcast and make sure that you share it with all your friends. What’s better than the gift of free NFL entertainment?
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Stay safe and sane. We’ll all be watching the games together again soon.

Week 9 Podcast

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Ryan recently found two bags of used dildos in the chimney of his new house, which is a sign of good luck for a Buffalo Bills fan. That’s just some of the philosophy & fun you’ll learn in our week 9 podcast. Wade McElwain & Ryan Cull break down all of the big games ahead on the slate, plus take a look at the week that was in week 8.
NFL punditry at its most mediocre, with passionate predictions as well as a chat on ‘how do you do clean two bags of dirty dildos, and how much they’re worth’?
Listen, laugh, lather, repeat, subscribe.

Some of the games the guys preview in week 9 include:

Ravens (4-2) vs Colts (5-2)
Ravens -3  +44.5

Indianapolis is healthy again, which i s bad news for the AFC. The have a strong D and a robust O line that keeps Rivers in a solid pocket.
Baltimore suffered a big loss to Pittsburgh last week, and even worse, lost defensive stud Ronnie Stanley. Lamar will suffer with bug pressure and few options to throw to. The Ravens will put up a fight, but the Colts are on a healthy high.
Indy will run Taylor down their throat, while Rivers will have time to finally connect to TY Hilton for big gains.
Ryan is big on the Ravens to avenge their loss to the Steelers, while Wade smells a Colts upset.
Ryan- Ravens 27 Colts 20
Wade- Colts 26 Ravens 23

Broncos (3-4) vs Vikings (2-5)
Vikings -4 +53.5

Minnesota is feeling fine after a nice run down of division rivals Green Bay last week, after Dalvin Cook trampled the Packers for 4 TDs. They lost more of their secondary to injuries, making them even more vulnerable to deep plays.
Denver continues to plow on, despite not having much to work with. Drew Lock is not the answer, continuing to make mistakes despite sudden heroics. Their defence is what keeps them alive bolstered by some special special teams.
Ryan is big on a Vikings ‘W, but Wade thinks the Broncos can flip this one in their favour to cover a tight loss.
Ryan- Vikings 28 Broncos 23
Wade- Vikings 30 Broncos 28

Seahawks (6-1) vs Bills (6-2)
Seahawks -3  +54

Seattle wins again, but gives up big points in the effort. DK Metcalf is transiting from man to machine, ripping the opposition for big value plays. Even if he’s double covered, Tyler Lockett then has a big game. Their running game is handicapped, but they always seem to find  guy to do the job.
Buffalo has a recent win over the Patriots under their belt, but it wasn’t that convincing. Wish Allen struggled to find his rhythm again, and the defence isn’t as rigid as it once was.
Ryan thinks his Bills will lose to a superior Russell Wilson, and Wade agrees. Buffalo will spice up the wings, but Seattle has too much hot sauce.
Ryan- Seahawks 30 Bills 24
Wade- Seahawks 30 Bills 26

Steelers (7-0 vs Cowboys (2-6)
Steelers -13.5  +41.5

Pittsburgh is riding high after a great win over their division rival Ravens last Sunday, after an impressive performance by their defence. Big Ben was ok, but not good enough if the Steelers are going to go all the way. Every team is gunning for them now, even if they don’t win, they’ll be looking to inflict some damage on their reputation.
Dallas is just a mess. Jerry Jones is decrepitly steering America’s yacht into uncharted waters. A great team, with no one to lead it. Injuries galore, and a massively expensive roster. Time to sell off some assets?
Ryan is big on Pittsburgh beating up the lowly Cowpokes, and their new QB. Wade totally agrees on the podcast, and sees it happening. He’s also now changing his opinion and thinks that perhaps the Cowboys will cover this one as they can throw everything at it even if their down & move the chains. Game time decision, watch this space.
Ryan- Steelers 28 Cowboys 9
Wade- Steelers 31 Cowboys 26 * 

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Ryan’s Dildo Bag

TNF Packers vs 49ers

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America is on life support this week, as it flatlines from its most recent election. Biden, Trump, Kanye? It’s anyone’s guess, but the real eyes should be on the Bay area this week, as the 49ers host Aaron Rodgers and the Packers on Thursday night.
Sure, American polling stations might be burning, but the real burn will be the anger in Rodgers eyes as he attempts to avenge a week 8 loss.

49ers

The 49ers are a total mess after week 8. Not only have they lost Jimmy G, George Kittle, Wilson Jr, and Mostert, they also lost lost Nick Bosa and Dee Ford on the D.
If you’re on San Fran’s practice squad, there’s a pretty good chance you’re playing on Thursday night.
This really could be the end for the 49ers this season in their competitive division. Losing the next few games will definitely push them beyond repair, as some of their top guys will be gone for the season.
As much as we all would love to see Nick Mullens pull a season saver out of his ass, he’ll need to be able to throw accurately over 8 yards, which has eluded him thus far in the season.
San Francisco is on its way to being the NY Jets of the NFC, they just don’t know it yet.

Packers

The Packers got stuffed last Sunday at Lambeau thanks to Dalvin Cook. They had no answer for him as he romped for 4 touchdowns and 200+ yards. Cook was a fantasy hero, and thankfully I had him on my squad, as well as choosing the Packers not to cover.
Aaron Rodgers is a beast after a loss, going 31-15 against the spread in the week following one.
Green Bay is also hit by the injury/ Covid bug, as it looks like all of their running backs could be out. Rodgers is going to have to toss the ball on Thursday, which shouldn’t be a problem against the 49ers secondary which is down & dusted as well.
No one will be able to smother Davante Adams, which should lead to a stellar game for him.

Prediction

The 49ers are far too hobbled to cause problems for anyone this season going forward. They went from a ‘chasing the playoffs year’, to ‘shut up and rebuild year’ in one single week.
Aaron Rodgers will be looking to avenge his Sunday loss, and the poor 49ers will pay the price.
Rodgers is a California boy, and he should feel right at home in this game.

Packers 31 49ers 18

 

 

The Picks Six

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Okay… well… let’s call that an inauspicious start. In the debut week of this column, my week 6 picks were… largely disappointing. My overall week predictions (9-5) salvaged my tips which did not have a particularly impressive showing. Largely, the blame for this falls squarely at the feet of two teams: The New England Patriots, who inexplicably made the beaten up Denver Broncos look like the ‘85 Bears, and the Cleveland Browns who… ugh… Browns-d it right up against the Steelers. Should I have seen that coming? Probably. Anyway, new week, new me! Let’s go again. Redemption starts here. Same concept: Six sections, including sure things, longshot punts and a prediction for every game. 

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The 1st and Goal from the 1. (Season Record: 1-1)

So somehow went 1-1 last week on this. Shoutout the Dolphins for doing what they were supposed to, even when Cam was too incompetent to do his job… 

Okay. Simple things. That’s what we’re looking for here. So… Who is the worst team in the NFL? Gang Green: The 0-6 New York Jets. And who are said Jets playing this week? Oh, the Bills of Buffalo? With one Joshua Allen at Quarterback? He who has a rocket arm and legs that carry his big sturdy frame forward at alarming speed and momentum? I like him. He wasn’t good against the Chiefs – but we’ll blame the conditions a bit – so I expect Josh to bounce back big here. The Jets are firmly planted in the Trevor Lawrence sweepstakes. The Bills win this game. ZERO doubt.

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The 45yd Field Goal (Season Record: 0-1)

This line should be posted all over the Cowboys’ locker room walls. The UTTER disrespect… Dallas are ONE POINT favourites against the 1-4, very average, lacking in any real talent beyond Terry McLaurin and Chase Young Washington Football Team. Yeah, I get it: The Cowboys were awful on Monday. Dalton didn’t sling it like we were expecting (see, my over losing), Zeke’s hands have been replaced with sticks of butter, and their defense couldn’t stop a team of referees from picking up a first down. BUT this is still the Dallas Cowboys offense. Zeke will not keep putting the ball on the ground. The Cowboys should run (and throw) all over this team. Dallas Cowboys -1.0. Yes please.

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The Hail Mary (Season Record: 0-1)

So we need a long shot, or at least big odds for this one. There aren’t many underdogs I like on the board this week, so I’m sticking to heavily backing a favourite I love. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this yet, but the Jets are AWFUL. Even with Sam Darnold back, they’re not good enough to put a fight up against the Bills. The Bills defense held up quite respectably against the Chiefs passing attack, and Frank Gore is not going to run through the Bills like Clyde Edwards-Helaire did. Josh Allen will sling it, the Bills will score points. I like the Bills to win every quarter at 7/1. 

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The Over (Season Record: 0-1)

Oooooooh there could be some points scored this weekend… lots of tasty matchups which I can see disintegrating into shootouts and garbage time touchdowns. So I’m gonna rattle off a few here:

Browns vs Bengals – Over 50.5

Well, Baker HAS to bounce back. The Browns really need this game, but a scrappy Cincinnati team (who pushed the Colts close last week) can put up some resistance. The Browns have been quietly very good on offense aside from in their two lopsided losses. I don’t think they lose this game; I think they score 30+ on a below-par Bengals defense. Joe Burrow is good enough and determined enough to keep himself in the game – despite the absence of Joe Mixon. Points. 

Lions vs Falcons – Over 55.0

Yep, the line is high, but Stafford and Ryan could very legitimately shred each other’s DBs all afternoon long. D’Andre Swift has started to break out a little bit, and Gurley and Hurst are providing a nice compliment to Atlanta’s stacked WR room. It’s high, but I think it’ll get there. 

Seahawks vs Cardinals – Over 56.0

Another high line, but the newly-flexed Sunday Night Football matchup is one of the most electric of the weekend. Russ gets back in the kitchen, ready to cook after his bye week. Kyler is fast becoming the one rival to Lamar’s title of biggest dual threat Quarterback. Hopkins, Kirk and Fitz vs Lockett, Moore and Metcalf. Carson vs Drake. Carroll vs Kingsbury. Nobody on the field will want to defend. 28 points each has been almost a guarantee for these two teams so far. Let’s keep that run going. 

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The Parlay (Winning Parlays: 0/1, Winning Legs: 3/5) 

Browns -3.0

I know. I know. I know. We took Cleveland last week, and they burned us. I know. BUT this is a new week, and much less formidable defense for Baker to throw against. The Browns torched the Bengals earlier this season and I think a Cleveland win by a TD or more is likely. 

Panthers +7.0

Now, I do think the Saints win this game, but Teddy Bridge is good enough to keep it close. 7 points feels like a lot for a Saints team who – whilst coming off a bye – are missing their top two WRs to injury and the COVID-list. I expect a heavy dose of Alvin Kamara and Mike Davis respectively. Tight game, Saints win, Panthers cover the 7 points. 

Cowboys -1.0

See above… this line feels fraudulent. The Cowboys comeback story arc starts here. 

Bills -10.0

Yuuuuuuup, it’s a lot of points. How many did the Jets lose by last week? 24!? 24 to 0!? Against the Dolphins!? Okay, ha, yeah, definitely Bills -10.0.

Patriots -2.0

Bill is angry. Cam is angry. Stephon is angry. The whole of Boston is angry. The Patriots conspired to lose a game where their opposition didn’t score a Touchdown… HUUUUUH!? Yup. Somehow, that’s what happened. But this is the perfect bounce back game. Bill gets to shut down the guy he traded away. I don’t believe Jimmy G is good enough to beat the team who had earmarked him as the heir to TB12. They traded him for a reason. Shanahan will have some plans cooked up, but I think the Niners are still too injury ravaged to hand the Patriots another loss. 

£10 on this parlay pays about £235 depending on your bookmaker.

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The Full English (Season Record: 9-5)

Bills vs Jets – Bills

Panthers vs Saints – Saints

Browns vs Bengals – Browns

Washington vs Cowboys – Cowboys

Lions vs Falcons – Falcons

Packers vs Texans – Packers

Steelers vs Titans – Steelers (But this is such a toss up, won’t be at all surprised if Tennessee win)

Buccaneers vs Raiders – Buccaneers (piss off please Covid… I want to watch this game)

Jaguars vs Chargers – Chargers

Chiefs vs Broncos – Chiefs

49ers vs Patriots – Patriots

Seahawks vs Cardinals – Seahawks

Bears vs Rams – Rams 

Enjoy your week 7! As ever, I’m @callumjdsquires on Twitter & Instagram. Let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to see me discuss or suggest picks for… Come chat and tell me why I’m wrong and your team is going to win this week. Jets fans need not contact me. Cheers.

All lines accurate as of 11pm Friday.

-Callum Squires is a British writer and former college athlete in America