The idea of an NFL team in London has been floating around for years, with the league regularly hosting games at Wembley, Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, and now even discussing full-time relocation. But if the UK ever lands a franchise, it needs a name that reflects London’s unique, dark, and often hilarious history. Forget generic names like “London Knights” or “London Royals”—let’s go deeper (and darker) into British culture.
We got some AI help on this one, so let’s see what it comes up with for some truly bizarre takes on an NFL team in the UK.
1. London Plague
“Catch us if you can.”
Few things have swept through London as ruthlessly as the Black Death—except maybe Derrick Henry on a broken tackle. The London Plague would be a nightmare opponent, suffocating teams with relentless defence. Opposing quarterbacks would feel the pressure of a 17th-century doctor in a beaked mask bearing down on them.
- Mascot: A terrifying Plague Doctor handing out towels labeled “Contaminated.”
- Fan Section: “The Quarantine Zone.”
- Motto: “Spreading wins since 1665.”
2. London Rippers
“We carve up defences.”
Jack the Ripper remains one of the most infamous figures in London’s history, so why not embrace the chaos? The London Rippers would strike fear into opponents, with an aggressive, unpredictable play-style that keeps teams guessing.
- Mascot: A shadowy figure in a top hat, lurking on the sidelines.
- Touchdown Call: “Another victim on the scoreboard!”
- Fan Chant: “Who? Who? Who?” (Nobody ever caught Jack, after all.)
3. London Fog
“You’ll never see us coming.”
London’s infamous fog has confused sailors, pilots, and even entire armies. Imagine an NFL team using that same stealthy, unpredictable approach. On defence, they’d disappear into coverage; on offence, their movements would be impossible to track.
- Gimmick: Fog machines blast the stadium tunnel before the team runs out.
- Jerseys: Misty gray with shifting patterns.
- Slogan: “Good luck finding the ball.”
4. London Black Cabs
“Always finding a way to the end zone.”
There’s nothing more reliable in London than a black cab driver with an encyclopaedic knowledge of routes. The London Black Cabs would embody this unstoppable efficiency, finding gaps in the defence no matter how chaotic the field.
- Mascot: A cabbie shouting, “Where to, mate?”
- Fans: Known as “The Fare Collectors.”
- Rivalry: The New York Jets—because Londoners hate waiting for transport.
5. London Guillotines
“Off with their heads!”
The Brits may not have used the guillotine much (that was more of a French thing), but the name still screams ruthless execution. The London Guillotines would make their name by delivering brutal hits and finishing drives with clinical precision.
- Slogan: “The cleanest cuts in the game.”
- Turnover celebration: A giant falling blade animation on the jumbotron.
- Fan Nickname: “The Executioners.”
6. London Pigeons
“We never leave.”
Love them or hate them, London’s pigeons are unrelenting, fearless, and always where they shouldn’t be. Just like a great special teams unit.
- Mascot: A feathery terror with beady red eyes.
- Touchdown Dance: The “Pigeon Flap.”
- Opponents’ Nightmare: They poop all over your perfectly planned game.
7. London Hangmen
“Every down is a last chance.”
Once upon a time, the UK had an official Chief Executioner, and London was the epicentre of public hangings. Dark? Absolutely. But it also sets up some incredible branding opportunities for a team that thrives on pressuring QBs and finishing games.
- Slogan: “Rope ‘em in.”
- Defensive Motto: “No escaping this pocket.”
- Theme Song: Probably something by The Smiths.
8. London Redcoats
“Defending home turf (except in the colonies).”
You can’t talk about London without acknowledging British military history. The London Redcoats would be a team built on discipline, structure, and old-school tactics—except in the fourth quarter, when things historically start falling apart.
- Rivalry: The New England Patriots (for obvious reasons).
- Mascot: A stern British soldier who refuses to acknowledge that the Super Bowl isn’t a “world championship.”
- Chant: “The empire strikes back!”
9. London Underground
“Mind the gap (in your defence).”
London’s Tube system is one of the world’s most iconic, efficiently chaotic creations. The London Underground NFL team would reflect that—unpredictable, fast-moving, and sometimes completely broken on Sundays.
- Fan Section: “The Rush Hour.”
- Jersey Design: Tube map-inspired patterns.
- Big Play Celebration: The stadium blares an automated “Please stand clear of the closing doors.”
10. London Smog
“We choke out the competition.”
Nothing says “classic London” like the Great Smog of 1952. This team would embody the suffocating nature of that historic event, making every offensive drive an absolute nightmare for opponents.
- Defence Name: “The Stinkers”
- Rivalry: The LA Rams, because nothing says air pollution like London vs. LA.
- Marketing Slogan: “Can’t breathe? That’s just our pass rush.”
Which London NFL Team Name Wins?
With all these options, one thing is clear: London deserves a team with personality. Whether we go with the sinister London Rippers, the unstoppable London Black Cabs, or the truly terrifying London Plague, the UK fanbase deserves something uniquely British, darkly funny, and historically rich.
What do YOU think?
Which name should be London’s official NFL franchise? Drop your votes, and let’s make this happen! Or even just send in your own.
