As a group with some native North Americans, we thought we would try to pair some of our home cooking, with a slate of Week 13 NFL games.
Well, not really home-cooking, we decided to go with Popeyes Chicken, as the franchise has now made a ceremonious arrival on UK shores.
Surely this new kid in town would provide a yummy alternative to the endless BBQ’s and deep fried wings we usually host for ourselves?
Nope, it was a total shitshow, so let’s break down it went in our Popeyes UK-Review.
The Menu
The menu itself is a redacted version of one you might find in North America, as many of these Popeyes come from ‘dark kitchens’, where not even the chefs are privy to the whole menu.
We decided to use Just Eat, as Deliveroo continually ‘forgot’ our login details, so we opted for the service which was the least pain in the ass. Big mistake.
At first we wanted to order up the Value Bundle of 4 sandwiches with wings, but upon realising that none of this came with fries, spending almost £40 on chicken sandwiches was sort of ludicrous.
We opted for a classic Popeye’s Chicken Sandwich, the festive chicken burger with habanero and sage stuffing. Never had it before, and it sounded like the right way to kick off a Thanksgiving weekend of games.
We added some BBQ wings, and some of the Popeye’s famous gravy to chug. Clickety-tickety boom, and hit submit. We purposely ordered right on the hour, so that we could track the progress like real lazy pants fans. Order confirmed, looks like it will arrive in 25-40 minutes.
Wait
As we started to get hangry, we popped for the arrival of this famous chicken, even cleaning up a bit, like the chicken sandwich would judge us for the state of this NFL party.
A quick check of the app showed that it had been pushed back 40 to 50 minutes, which is why it’s always good to screen shot these for proof when they eventually mess up, and blame you.
As the time started to countdown to arrival, a curious thing happened, the time kept pushing back again. We had now been waiting 40 minutes, and it was still going to be another 40. Hmmm, on a Sunday night?
One of the guys got impetuous, popped out of his seat while watching his team, and went to collect a pizza out of frustration. The rest of us laughed, ‘it’ll get here before you get backdate!’ Spoiller alert, it didn’t so we fired up the deep fryer and started tossing everything Costco in for stomach’s sake.
With the pizza and shrimp torpedo’s mowed down, it was time to check in with Just Eat, which we now referred to as ‘Just Don’t Eat’. Still another 30 minutes, and we had just hit the 1 hour mark.
Just as we were about to hit the cancel order for over £40 worth of food, we got a notice that our driver was en route, and would be less than 15 minutes. Uh huh, sure. As we followed his moped on the little map, the 15 minutes started to wane, morphing into 20, 25, then staying at 15 again.
By this point the hanger was gone, and replaced by sheer giddy goofiness that on a quiet Sunday night, a bag of chicken would take less time to arrive than it would to make a roast chicken dinner for 4.
One hundred and 10 minutes later, there was a buzz at the door, the food was already here. Thanks to the wait, beer and empty stomachs, we had a little buzz of our own going on.
The driver was unapologetic, and responded angrily to the query ‘wonder how cold this is going to be?’
It was time to taste it.
The Food
Just like Lambeau Field in December, the food was so cold, it could be kicked through some uprights.
The original chicken sandwich had turned to a cold slop from the sauce, and a few bites were taken with a grimace, while the rest was tossed into the back yard for the foxes to salvage. Even they had given up waiting by this point.
The Festive Burger was like a family debate over politics, just ugly, and not something that you planned on getting involved in. Clumps of stuffing piled on the floor, like a childhood pillow. It was chalky on the tongue, and immediately scrape worthy.
With the Festive Burger also being tossed to the fence, it was time to try the wings! Cold wings are usually good, right? Usually. These were slathered in a tart BBQ sauce that had an ‘is this off?’ vibe about it. They were some tiny, and bony, that getting meat off of them was easier just to ‘suck’.
As we decided to dip one of the wings in the special biscuit gravy, we checked the bags…and uh oh! They forgot the sauce. Should we call back? How long would that take?
The Verdict
It’s hard to tell who to blame in this debacle, but it would seem that Just Eat would have to shoulder the bulk of it for the sheer ineptitude of their process.
Popeyes was able to take the order, but Just Don’t Eat struggled with the processing of the order, as well as the delivery.
Let’s just say the whole thing left a bad taste in all our mouthes, and made us embarrassed to be North Americans, knowing somehow our British friends would layer the blame on us, and our crappy franchises.
This truly one crappy meal, and we won’t be doing that again. 0/5 stars and stripes.
As of publication, we have heard nothing back from Popeyes or Just Eat. How sad.
