Rams 35, Jaguars 7 — London Calling, Jacksonville Fumbling
The NFL promised London a showcase. What it delivered was a live autopsy. The Rams dismantled the Jaguars from kickoff, and it never looked close. Matthew Stafford threw five touchdowns — three to Davante Adams, who clearly mistook Wembley for a private workout.
Jacksonville’s offence, meanwhile, looked like it was on a sightseeing tour. Trevor Lawrence spent the day eating turf, the Jags committed 13 penalties, and the only suspense was whether Sean McVay would actually rest his starters. He didn’t. Brian Thomas Jr. then got hurt in garbage time. Brilliant.
Chiefs 31, Raiders 0 — Business as Usual
Kansas City didn’t just beat Las Vegas; they deleted them. Patrick Mahomes did whatever he wanted, Rashee Rice scored twice, and the Raiders’ defence played like they’d misplaced their Wi-Fi connection.
Mahomes hit nine different receivers before halftime — because he could. By the third quarter, Gardner Minshew was mopping up snaps. The Raiders’ offence? Fifty-one yards in the first half. Fifty-one. The Chiefs are back in bully mode, and the rest of the AFC just groaned.
Broncos 33, Giants 32 — How to Lose a Game in Five Minutes
The Giants led 19–0 heading into the fourth quarter. Then they exploded — not metaphorically, literally. Bo Nix suddenly morphed into a Madden character on rookie mode, scoring four touchdowns in one quarter while the Giants watched in disbelief.
Sean Payton yelled at everyone, including the refs, the air, and possibly God — and Denver still won on a last-second field goal. A miracle if you’re a Bronco. A war crime if you’re a Giants fan.
49ers 20, Falcons 10 — Saleh Rises, Falcons Fall
Missing Nick Bosa and Fred Warner should have buried San Francisco. Instead, they locked Atlanta in a coffin and nailed it shut. Robert Saleh’s defence smothered Bijan Robinson, terrorized Michael Penix Jr., and reminded everyone that motivation and misery are powerful fuels.
Christian McCaffrey and George Kittle carried the offence, and the Niners looked alive again. It was physical, mean, and exactly what you want from a team that finally remembered who it is.
Patriots 31, Titans 13 — The Drake Maye Experience
Drake Maye was nearly perfect. Literally — 21 for 23, three touchdowns, and a new franchise completion record. It’s gotten to the point where mentioning his name next to Tom Brady doesn’t feel insane, which should terrify the rest of the AFC East.
Tennessee, on the other hand, looked like they’d already packed for next season. Cam Ward’s confidence vanished by halftime, and Mike Vrabel’s “revenge game” ended with his old team dancing on his grave.
Colts 38, Chargers 24 — Indy’s Offence Is a Problem (for Everyone Else)
Daniel Jones and Jonathan Taylor ran the Chargers off their own field. Indy scored on nearly every possession, and their offence now leads the league in points. Jones even had the audacity to smile.
The Chargers are officially back in existential crisis mode — they can’t protect Herbert, can’t stop anyone, and can’t seem to care.
Eagles 28, Vikings 22 — The Hurts Awakening
Finally, Jalen Hurts looked like Jalen Hurts again. The Eagles rediscovered the deep ball, roasted Minnesota’s secondary, and probably postponed a full-on Philly panic for at least a week.
Carson Wentz had his “revenge” game — which went about as well as a sequel no one asked for. Philly is 5–2, and the Tush Push is still the most unstoppable play in sports, pending an official NFL ban on fun.
Cowboys 44, Commanders 22 — Everything’s Bigger in Dallas
Dak Prescott threw bombs. CeeDee Lamb ran free. George Pickens made defenders question their life choices. The Cowboys’ offence is on fire, and for once, Mike McCarthy didn’t find a way to ruin it.
Washington, missing half its starters, lost its quarterback and possibly its dignity. The Commanders are collapsing faster than a Wi-Fi signal on the Tube.
Packers 27, Cardinals 23 — Winning Ugly Is Still Winning
Green Bay didn’t so much win as survive. Jordan Love led a late touchdown drive after the defence spent three quarters impersonating traffic cones.
Micah Parsons saved the day with three sacks, and Matt LaFleur’s last-minute gamble on fourth down worked — mostly by accident. A win’s a win, but contenders don’t usually need CPR.
Browns 31, Dolphins 6 — Miami Meltdown
Tua Tagovailoa threw three picks. The Dolphins got booed by their own defence. Quinshon Judkins ran all over them, and by halftime, it was 17–3 and somehow felt worse.
Mike McDaniel’s seat is officially on fire. If this isn’t rock bottom, we don’t want to know what is.
Bears 26, Saints 14 — Grounded and Pounding
The Bears’ run game did everything. Their quarterback did just enough. Chicago’s defence forced turnovers like it was a competition, and the Saints never recovered.
Spencer Rattler looked lost. The Saints looked worse. Both could use an exorcism.
Panthers 13, Jets 6 — Football, Technically
This game was the football equivalent of beige wallpaper. Bryce Young got hurt, Justin Fields got benched, and Tyrod Taylor threw an interception so bad it might’ve voided his driver’s license.
Carolina’s defence did the bare minimum, which was more than enough. The Jets have now gone two full games without a touchdown. That’s not rebuilding — that’s performance art.
Quick Hits
- Robert Saleh might’ve saved his next head coaching gig with that 49ers performance.
- Drake Maye is already rewriting Patriots history.
- The Broncos are either resilient or cursed — maybe both.
- And the Dolphins? Finished. Possibly for the decade.
Final Whistle
Week 7 was an emotional rollercoaster: blowouts, implosions, and one London game that felt more like a public execution. But that’s the beauty of the NFL — every Sunday’s a reminder that talent, luck, and common sense rarely share the same field.
See you next week. Bring snacks. And maybe a helmet.
